Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesnt work that way. Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, Oh crap, shes up! Unknown, I think everybodys weird. I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. A man in love is incomplete until he has married. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. A wise woman once said, fuck this shit and lived happily ever after. Remember, you cant pour from an empty cup. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh), In a society that profits from your self-doubt, loving yourself is a rebellious act. Unknown, We must fall in love with yourselves. If it costs you your peace, its too expensive. Biologically speaking, if something bites you its more likely to be female. The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. Get in, loser; were healing and falling in love with ourselves again. Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. So if youre going to steal your neighbors newspaper, thats the time to do it. Unfortunately, much of this potential is never realized because the inside sales team has not been properly trained and coached. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. Heres something to think about: How come you never see a headline like Psychic Wins Lottery? Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Pauls articles are regularly featured in such financial industry publications as Ignites, Registered Rep, On Wall Street, Investment Advisor, and National Underwriters. Im too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener. A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. Sales segmentation was extremely valuable., Practical, relevant and state-of-the-art training., Invaluable techniques for qualifying and working effectively with the inside team!, Powerful group sharing and a goldmine of strategies to improve sales results., Introduction to Value-First Selling Program, How to Establish Profitable Sales Relationships, Scripting: The Path to Duplicable Success, Highly engaging, fast-paced sessions generated timely solutions., Numerous tactical ideas were discussed that we leveraged into our business., Learning from my peers was one of many highlights., Fantastic formatGreat cutting-edge ideas I can use!. Weve got you covered with a huge list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. That changed a lot of things. Queen Latifah, Ive finally stopped running away from myself. Laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. There is a voice that doesnt use words. Be BIG yourself. Corita Kent, It is not love that should be depicted as blind, but self-love. Voltaire, I dont wear the opinions of others anymore, I learnt to dress myself. Nikki Rowe, The bags under my eyes are Prada.Unknown, Do your thing and dont care if they like it. Tina Fey, Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside. Unknown, Loving yourself isnt vanity. You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys. Keep Inspiring Me.

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Paul Karasik, a leading authority in the financial industry, has devoted 18 years to helping financial industry professionals achieve their goals.

When trouble comes it comes not as a single spy but in battalions. If at first you dont succeed, try, try again. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron? At every party there are two kinds of people those who want to go home and those who dont. Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

Laughter is good. Then I want to move in with them.

Im beginning to believe it.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. If you love something set it free, but dont be surprised if it comes back with herpes. The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. He said okay, youre ugly too. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

After that who cares? Hes a mile away and youve got his shoes!

RIP to all the hours I spent explaining myself to other people. Before you marry a person, you should at least make them use a computer with a slow internet connection to find out who they really are. Self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of whats left of you. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a persons yard. Well, neither does bathing thats why we recommend it daily., I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific., There are no traffic jams along the extra mile., People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do., If you hit the target every time its too near or too big., You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself.. After all, they do it for a living! Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. Always borrow money from a pessimist. When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who werent smart enough to get out of jury duty. Home Quotes 40 Funny Self Love Quotes. But so is thunder and lightning. The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. Do not pour your sunshine into someone who does not think of you as their sky. When I eventually met Mr.

Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil. I think we should start calling our mistakes growth spurts instead. Required fields are marked *. Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. Closing More Sales from the Inside enlists a variety of interactive adult learning technologies. Light travels faster than sound. Comment and tell me your favorite! The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Be messy, complicated, and afraid. I wouldnt camp out for five days if was camping. When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, Compared to what?. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider mans best friend is his dog. The road to success is always under construction. I am an early bird and a night owl so I am wise and I have worms. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

But finding an inspiring quote that helps to remind you, is a great way to keep the importance of self-love and care at the forefront of your mind. His other books include: Seminar Selling for the Financial Industry, published by McGraw-Hill and How to Market to High-Net-Worth Households. The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Your email address will not be published. If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left. Everything is funny, as long as its happening to somebody else. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh), I have an everyday religion that works for me. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. believe yourself tiger meme quotes kitten memes funny reflection cats tigers They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. When the going gets tough, the tough just quit.

Current status: distancing myself from bullshit. And sometimes you go out shopping and theres nothing you like.

Its sanity. Andre Gide, People think, Oh, Im loving myself by sitting on this sofa for four hours. Love yourself enough to get up! Alison Sweeney, You were born to be real, not to be perfect. Unknown, Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it. Unknown, Categories Love Quotes, Quotes, Self Care. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. We spend the first twelve months of our childrens lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. Who else is there better to be? Golden Hawn, Yes, I am weird, weird is good. It helps a lot. The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. believe quotes lie yourself while much special It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another persons plate. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh), Dont belittle yourself. Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. Vision Board Quotes To Encourage & Inspire! I was married by a judge. Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. I had plastic surgery last week I cut up my credit cards. Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman or a bad woman. According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. accountability, and value add programs., The Wholesaler Bootcamp provided me with the strategies needed to maximize my sales.. The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. believe yourself don meme quotes running motivational Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. I am not an early bird or night owl; Im some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon. Paul is the author of eight business classics, including Mastering the Art of Wholesaling, and 22 Keys to Sales Success: How to Make It Big in Financial Services, published by Bloomberg Press. If it costs you your peace of mind, youve overpaid. We are all here on earth to help others. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you dont need it. Dont worry about the world coming to an end today. Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. The following organizations have participated in Wholesaler Institute events: This program will be conducted virtually via Zoom meetings, Getting call backs and through gatekeepers, Handling objections and closing on next step, Copyright 2021. Whether its self-care, self-love, relationships, or motherhood, quotes can have a powerful way of speaking to our soul and help us feel seen and validated in our experience. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); I smiled reading them all, thanks for sharing Don't ask what others have done for you, but ask what you have done for others. The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward. Be enough for yourself first. boop Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. When life gives you lemons, quit. Dont keep a man guessing too long hes sure to find the answer somewhere else. Education is learning what you didnt even know you didnt know. Life is hard; its harder if youre stupid. Then its just hilarious. And she lived happily ever after. We should all celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it. Johnny Depp, Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on. Maxwell Maltz, LOreals slogan because youre worth it has come to epitomise banal narcissism of early 21st century capitalism; easy indulgence and effortless self-love all available at a flick of the credit card. Geoff Mulgan, One advantage of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. A. Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

Its always darkest before the dawn. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. So consider this list of quotes a virtual notebook of sorts, packed with funny self-care quotes to help you feel more motivated. If you dont mind, it doesnt matter. A verbal contract isnt worth the paper its written on. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties. But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. Dont let schooling interfere with your education. Money is not the most important thing in the world. Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? Im one of the few people in Hollywood who actually had a good childhood. They were very good,

if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'keepinspiring_me-medrectangle-4','ezslot_23',823,'0','0'])};if(typeof __ez_fad_position!='undefined'){__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-keepinspiring_me-medrectangle-4-0')}; These humorous observation quotes are a great way to reflect and add some levity to daily situations. I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. If make a purchase through these links, we receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Inside wholesalers will learn the art, as well as the science, of prospecting, qualifying, selling to ideal prospects, time management, creating new profitable relationships, referral generation, setting up effective call rotations, etc. Quincy holds an MBA from the University of Dundee and an MSc from the University of Edinburgh, and lives in San Antonio with his wife Natalie, son Alex, and his dog Oban. In the words of Tom Wilson: A smile is a facelift thats in everyones price range!if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'keepinspiring_me-medrectangle-3','ezslot_8',847,'0','0'])};if(typeof __ez_fad_position!='undefined'){__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-keepinspiring_me-medrectangle-3-0')}; Not only does laughter reduce stress, it lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins. I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken. Combine those together and you have something that can help you become a better person while having an awesome time. funny quotes believing believe yourself cat anything quotesgram animal I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly. The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. Be loud about the things that are important to you. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. All Rights Reserved. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. He wont expect it back. Stop shrinking to fit places youve outgrown. When youre in love its the most glorious two and a half days of your life. I drink to make other people more interesting. Theres a fine line between genius and insanity. A camel is a horse designed by a committee.

I dont like myself. Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch. Eventually. A. Shes ninety-seven now, and we dont know where the hell she is. Technology session was huge, as well as implementing sound and repeatable processes., Best place for me to get ideas that drive my business!, Roadmap for wholesaling success! The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large. As a child my familys menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife) but still my own. Its only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames. Sickos dont scare me. My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. I have erased this line. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

Im staying home today. War is Gods way of teaching Americans geography. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists. Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn;t that long ago we were swept away by the Macarena. We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations were doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. Im crazy about myself. Mae West, If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it. Frank Zappa, The nicest thing about the rain is that it always stops. The glass is refillable. They couldnt find three wise men and a virgin.

Sometimes you just need to lie on the couch and read for a couple of years. Make sure to share it with me below. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. Im not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. Motivation is even better. As you get older three things happen. You are what you eat. . believe yourself sasquatch else even quote meme If you live to be one hundred, youve got it made. If you want to look thin: hang out with fat people. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. The program is designed to transform the inside team from a client relations mind-set, to a world-class sales team. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible. The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. Listen. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. The atmosphere of the program is motivational; the content is concise, and achievement driven. believe yourself don quotes sayings quotlr dont Enjoy! Theyre about to announce the lottery numbers. This is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo. Age is an issue of mind over matter. I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh.. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? I feel ten years older already. Try approving of yourself and see what happens. Louise L. Hay, Its not your job to like meits mine! Byron Katie, Youre always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company. Diane Von Furstenberg, Your problem is youre too busy holding onto your unworthiness. Ram Dass, I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly. Oscar Wilde, If youre searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror. Unknown, I am a queen because I know how to govern myself. Lailah Gifty Akita, Accept who you are. Be yourself is about the worst advice you can give some people. People who wonder if the glass is half full or half empty miss the point. Then hes finished. Quincy is KIM's lead editor and content writer, and has invested in online properties since 2009. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A glowing woman can help other women glow and still be lit. Its not always easy to practice self-love and compassion. I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. I want my children to have all the things I couldnt afford.

But a confident bald man theres your diamond in the rough. To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Check out the below helpful posts all about self-care: Four Simple and Fulfilling Physical Self-Care Ideas, Easy Ways to Practice Emotional Self-Care, Your email address will not be published. They say good things take time, so thats why Im always late. Never wrestle with pigs. 35 Inspirational Songs With Lyrics To Motivate And Inspire You, 101 Inspirational Words of Encouragement to Lift You Up, 7 Best Graduation Speeches That Will Inspire You, Relationship Quotes for All Your Relations. I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.

Come back anytime you can benefit from a good laugh, and stay inspired. yourtango quotesdeep I said, Thyroid problem? If youre too open-minded; your brains will fall out. If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, its another nonconformist who doesnt conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. I watch them all on TV. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. At least theyre committed. He is the president of the Wholesaler Institute. Nobody provides laughs like comedians. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. If I wasnt a golfer, I would still be miserable but not as miserable.

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

So enjoy these 300 funny quotes, sayings, and observations and get laughing today. Invariably they are both disappointed. God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. How To Make A Vision Board Even If You Dont Have A 5-Year Plan. Procrastination: Is it really a bad thing. This is my cup of care. If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist.

Heres to our wives and girlfriends may they never meet! Then quit. Political correctness is tyranny with manners.

I should have asked for a jury. It looks fun.

Its always funny until someone gets hurt. The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. Now quiet! High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead. This trend is not likely to end in the near future. These funny quotes are some of the best we could find from hilarious actors and comics alike. Ever since I can remember, Id write down funny, sassy, and inspiring quotes in my notebook to help me move through whatever emotion I was feeling.

Each participant takes an active role in this powerful learning experience. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Wholesalersbootcamp.com | All Rights Reserved.| powered by thecodifiers. An alcoholic is someone you dont like who drinks as much as you do.

Youre basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions. Youve got to be very careful if you dont know where you are going, because you might not get there.



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